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What happens when you wake up with someone you’ve known for years yet you feel like you woke up with a stranger?? Well in my case you get this song called Stranger. It was a bright sunny morning and sun rays coming through the window blinds in skinny bold lines landed on the bed. It illuminated details of the man I had been dating that I had never noticed before. It was still early and he was sleeping so I had time to look and notice not just him but also my thoughts and emotions. He had all kinds of little spots on his skin that I had never seen before and in this vibrant sun those little spots became so vivid that it made me question how well I knew this man I’ve been dating for years. Instead of feeling grateful for the opportunity to get to know him even better I felt the complete opposite. I felt like I didn’t know him at all and indifferent about the whole relationship. I wondered how did I get from being head over heels into this man to the place of indifference. I searched through my heart for any bit of affection and love but I had a hard time finding any. Well, it probably didn’t help that we had broken up and seen other people in the time we had known each other. It also didn’t help that I was aware that at some points in our relationship I was the other woman. The other woman?? Yup! I thought I made peace with that tiny little detail but it was still a burning sore on my soul. Not because he would do such a thing to me but because I had accepted it. Somewhere deep within I knew that acceptance of that fact was against my soul but my mind and body still needed to learn that. At the time I wondered how could I have accepted being treated that way and how could I be with a man who would do that to another woman? The lack of self love I had at the time was astonishing. Knowing how much I love myself today, I know that back then I didn’t have any love for myself. I still needed to learn to respect and love myself as much as I did other people in my life like the man in question. I’m happy to report this story took place in 2012 and that today I am in a much better place. Today I can talk about it with pride and love for myself because I needed to go through this experience to start loving myself. I can’t say that I feel thankful and grateful to this man because even though he was the catalyst in my learning, he was simply a path that taught me some hard lessons. I still had to do all the walking! Hope you like the song ❤ If you have similar experiences please feel free to share! Check out the song here

 

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